Sleep problems? It could be stress-related
Every parent knows that welcoming a child into the family can be one of life’s greatest blessings while simultaneously wreaking havoc on stress levels and sleep patterns. Parenting can be beautifully relentless, filled with endless pressures, worries, and to-do lists.
Two years ago I found myself falling asleep every night at midnight and jolted awake at 4 a.m. with a pounding heart, sweaty hands and a panicky feeling fluttering through my body. I would take some deep breaths, roll out of bed, get the Kuerig fired up and settle myself down in front of my laptop, knocking out four cups of coffee and three and a half hours of solid work before my daughter woke up at 7:30 am.
For a while, I was proud of myself for squeezing half my workday in before my family was even awake for the day, thanks in no small part to the way our society tends to reward “hustle culture.” However, I found myself spiraling into a sea of exhaustion. As time wore on, the lack of sleep began to show up in my mood, productivity, and overall stress levels.
According to Liz Harden, Lead Sleep Coach and founder of Little Dipper Sleep:
Modern parenting is nonstop… Parents these days are overtaxed and our culture urges us to keep going at super human speed. We need more sleep and restorative downtime.
This isn’t just a problem in terms of feeling tired or worn out.
Here’s why. Insufficient sleep and stress can become a negative feedback loop, where the less sleep you get, the more stressed and anxious you become, and the more stressed or anxious you are during the day, the less you sleep at night. It’s a vicious cycle.
I had become well acquainted with that vicious cycle. But, I’m happy to report, there is hope!
While I obviously haven’t eradicated all stressors from my life – would that even be possible? Or desirable? – after a lot of research and experimentation I did discover several simple changes that drastically improved my sleep. These new habits helped my overall stress levels and moods, which in turn had a further positive impact on my sleep patterns. For me, the vicious cycle was (mostly) reversed.
According to Harden, “Research shows that people who sleep better tend to have fewer negative emotions and are more resilient. So finding ways to cope with stress may reduce the negative effects of stress on sleep, which in turn will support your ability to manage stress during the day.”
What can you do to break this cycle of stress and inadequate sleep? General sleep hygiene is crucial, but learning to manage your daytime stress may be equally as important.
Stress, cortisol and sleep
About a year ago, I had a blood panel done and there it was, proof in black and white of my astronomically high cortisol levels.
My daily 4 a.m. panicky wakeup was apparently due to a huge spike in cortisol each morning at that exact time. Working with a nutritionist that specializes in hormones, I was recommended several supplemental blends with ingredients like ashwagandha and L-Theanine magically concocted to help balance my cortisol levels. This was meant to be a long game approach and took months of consistently taking a fistful of pills each morning and night before I would begin to notice a change. Now, one year later, I am happy to report that I no longer wake at 4 a.m. with heart palpitations and gasping for air. In fact, I easily sleep until 6 a.m. most days (which is a huge improvement for me).
Note: I highly suggest working with a specialist and getting bloodwork done before taking any supplements.
Another key factor that helped me conquer my stress, cortisol and sleep issues was cutting out caffeine. I know, horrifying! Apparently, I am caffeine sensitive and my body can only handle decaf. I cut out all caffeine cold turkey, and that same night went from four hours of sleep to six. Aside from my personal sensitivity to a morning cup of joe, caffeine has been shown to raise cortisol levels. For those struggling to fall or stay asleep, experimenting with cutting off caffeine earlier or drinking less of it throughout the day may be worthwhile.
Magnesium gummies were another helpful supplement for me. “Studies show inverse relationships between serum cortisol and magnesium — the higher the magnesium, the lower the cortisol. Stress robs the body of magnesium — but the body must have magnesium to respond effectively to stress” (James Greenblatt, MD). I eased into taking a full dosage of magnesium gummies, as they can change your bowel movements when you first start taking them. I quickly noticed myself feeling calmer and falling asleep much easier with the magnesium supplementation.
Finally, I cut out my phone and limited TV time to about one hour each night. Where I used to spend two or three hours watching TV mindlessly while scrolling my phone, I now watch just one TV episode or half of a movie, and then head back to my room device-free to read – the actual physical copy of the book! According to the Normal Regional Health System, “Blue light affects the circadian rhythm. Exposure of light suppresses production of melatonin. Blue light wakes you up and stimulates you during the day. It also starts the production of cortisol (stress hormone) and ghrelin (nicknamed the “hunger” hormone).”
Liz Harden shared many insights about the connection between stress, cortisol levels, and sleep. “Poor sleep can lead to more stress, frustration, depression and anxiety. It can also negatively impact problem-solving skills, attention span, memory, patience, and your ability to connect with friends and family. This is especially hard for parents, since parenting requires massive patience, clear thinking and a steady mood.”
According to Harden:
When your fight or flight response kicks in, your heart rate elevates, muscles get tense, and your digestive and other systems of the body prepare to either fight or run. Cortisol and adrenaline rise. These physiological changes make sleep a challenge. The stressor may just be a news article you see on your phone or your child having a tantrum, both of which your body may respond to as if being chased by a tiger. While your stress response system usually turns off once a threat has passed, chronic stressors (aka being a modern parent) mean your body is stuck in fight-or-flight mode. It doesn’t turn off. This is why finding time for relaxation or downtime is so important.
Cortisol is naturally highest in the morning. This helps you feel more alert. Levels are supposed to drop in the evening to help you fall asleep and stay asleep all night. When cortisol is elevated in the evening or at too high of a concentration during sleep, sleep quality suffers - as I found out a couple of years ago. Elevated cortisol can lead to weight gain, mood swings, and sleep problems. The resulting sleep loss further elevates the body's cortisol concentration becoming a feedback loop of stress and sleep debt.
How do we break the stress-sleep cycle?
When I asked for some tips on breaking the stress-sleep cycle, Harden mentioned general sleep hygiene being crucial and had a plethora of suggestions: keeping bedtime and awake time consistent, limiting caffeine, avoiding alcohol and nicotine, keeping the sleep environment between 60-67 degrees and as dark as possible, avoiding screens before bed, unwinding/relaxing before bed to help cortisol drop if it was elevated, and avoiding meals several hours before sleep.
But, managing stress may be just as important. Here are a few activities Harden suggested that can help with both stress and sleep:
- Mindfulness - simple mindful breathing or mindful awareness exercises teach us to be aware of our thoughts and feelings which reduces anxiety and stress when used regularly. If you’re aware of your thoughts, you can take control of rumination and anxiety about the future.
- Unwind with a bedtime routine - unwinding for 30-60 minutes before bed with something like a bath, journaling, or bedtime yoga helps your body to transition to drowsiness and leaves behind the stress of the day (so that you don’t bring it with you into your sleep, disrupting your sleep quality and quantity).
- Relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and guided imagery can do wonders for reducing stress during the day (which helps us sleep better at night!). It can also help you feel more restored after a rough night. You can use PMR and guided imagery to help you fall asleep or back to sleep in the middle of the night.
- Set aside time for stress - making a date with yourself to think about all of your stressors can prevent you from doing this when you turn out the lights. If the first time you’ve sat with your thoughts is at bedtime, you’re likely to move your attention toward stress (which increases cortisol at precisely the time it’s supposed to be dropping, disrupting your sleep).
- Power naps (5-25 minutes) take the edge off and leave you refreshed. Research shows that they improve mood and cognitive function, so if you’re exhausted and it’s impossible to get more nighttime sleep, daytime power naps may save you.
- Yoga nidra (yogic sleep) is deeply restorative and can reduce fatigue. I recommend this practice to parents who aren’t getting enough rest.
Sleep and stress reduction are crucial for parents. It’s worth taking the time to experiment and find what works for you, as each person is unique. If you are struggling with sleep and chronic stress, know that it may take time and a variety of techniques, but a good night’s sleep is possible. You need it and deserve it!
Crissy Fishbane is the co-founder of HER Health Collective, a supportive community and resource hub for moms. She is a certified therapeutic exercise specialist, personal trainer, wellness coach, and former high-school psychology teacher. Crissy believes in a holistic approach to women’s health and is a strong advocate of improved screening and treatment of perinatal mood disorders. She is passionate about building a supportive community for moms where they can make genuine connections and build authentic relationships. Crissy is a regular Go Ask Mom contributor.
