Julia Sims: Kids under testing pressure
Recently, when I picked Will up from school, I could see he was clearly upset. After some prodding, he told me “It’s too much. It’s just too much work, Mama.”
Lucky for us, this was just a blip on the radar - the result of being overtired and really just wanting to play instead of doing school work.
But it made me pause.
You see, I’d recently read the heartbreaking story of Patrick Turner. He was a 16-year old boy from California who took his own life. Patrick left behind several notes detailing the stress he felt due to final exams and the seemingly unending pressure to excel in high school. He explained the pressure to perform didn’t come from his parents, but his school.
I have several friends who’ve told me their children get stressed out over end-of-grade (EOGs) tests. They get tummy aches and are nearly in tears. These are children in elementary school! If only lawmakers who make these standardized tests mandatory could see the impact these are having on our children (and teachers). School, particularly elementary school, is a place where students should experiment, explore and learn from failing. They should be allowed to be kids.
As parents, Mike and I are mindful of setting realistic expectations: Do your best, and we will always support you.
Children need to know the pathways to success vary. Not everyone will be (or needs to be) the valedictorian. A failing grade is not the end of the road - use it as a learning experience.
Will has heard the stories of our education “challenges.” I’ve told him that I was put on academic probation after the first semester my freshman year in college. We’ve told him how Mike “enjoyed” NC State so much he stayed there a lot longer than he should have!
We’ve also told him the lessons we learned from those experiences and pointed out despite it all, we both have had successful careers that have taken us all over the country and the world. I’ve also told him about a man I know who dropped out of college and is now running a multi-million dollar company. He’s heard about friends who decided to forgo college and are living high on the hog.
Yes, I want my son to do well in school. Who doesn’t? But I don’t want him to be overwhelmed by the pressure to succeed. We would all do well to build our children up, not break them down.
Julia Sims is the mom of one and a former reporter for WRAL-TV. She now works for the city of Raleigh. Find her here on Tuesdays.
