Honoring what we've lost
A couple of weeks ago we lost a beloved WRAL-TV co-worker suddenly and I lost a dear cousin to cancer within the span of a few days’ time. It was a lot. And I grappled with how to cope with two deaths I was not expecting.
Aubrey Wood was universally loved by all of his Capitol Broadcasting colleagues. Positive, upbeat, kind and quirky, “the Colonel” loved regaling us with stories of his farm. A retired career Army guy, he managed our IT department with deftness and a desire to serve.
A week or so before his passing, I happened to become one of the lucky recipients of a jar of the sorghum “syrup” that he made on his farm. As I struggled to find a way to console and be supportive of myself and my co-workers, I wanted to find a way to do something with that syrup to share. I found a yummy molasses cookie recipe online.
Creaming the sugar and butter, beating in the eggs, adding that rich and beautiful molasses (you absolutely CANNOT buy something that purely delicious in the store), felt cathartic. I made a label, to let folks know the cookies were made with “Aubrey’s syrup” and put them out at the office for folks to enjoy.
My cousin Melissa was a shining light for so many. She truly made the world a brighter place with her wry sense of humor, incredible talent for cooking the best food and her ability to make absolutely anything you did with her fun. She was also one of my extended family members who came in close after Mom’s Alzheimer's diagnosis, rather than stepping away. She brought meals to my parents and invited them for dinner. For several years she stopped by their house for a quick visit on her way home from work, which was often a lifeline for my dad.
Melissa started a habit of periodically taking my mom for a mani-pedi, which was fun for Mom and gave my dad a break. My cousin introduced me to the joy of a gel manicure, taking me for my first during that time.
So, the other day after work, I went and got a gel manicure in honor of Melissa. I had spring green nails for her funeral, which I think she would very much appreciate. That time spent in the salon chair made me feel closer to her. And every time I look at my nails, I feel her in my heart.
While Mom journeyed with Alzheimer’s, I found ways to remember the “her” I used to know. I sometimes made her chicken soup recipe that I loved that she could no longer make. Or picked and ate strawberries. I would go to a place she enjoyed but could no longer manage or would do something I knew she would have wanted me to do, like taking care of my daughter, Alicia. It made me feel closer to Mom. Because of her dementia I had to start remembering before Mom was gone from this earth. And then after her passing, I continued to do things to honor and remember her.
Loss is hard. But I have found that finding ways to create a thread between my heart and loved ones helps foster peace and healing.
