Responding Wisely to Crises

It is not infrequent that, as one declines, there come these “crisis moments,” when it is suddenly apparent that something needs to change.

This might come in the form of dad getting lost in a familiar neighborhood while walking or driving home. It might come after a middle of the night trip to the Emergency Room due to a fall or a sudden inexplicable change in behavior.

It is common—and I say this from personal experience—for one to assume the worst case scenario. To jump immediately into the fight-or-flight “red zone.”

Does this mean dad must move to skilled nursing for the rest of his life--End of story? Or that mom needs to be discharged to a locked memory ward? If we are bringing them home, do we need to bring 24/7 agency care into the home (at a cost in the Triangle Area of around $18,000/month)?

The answer is determining how to best meet the need at the moment.

As anyone who has experienced an unexpected medical crisis knows, things more often than not unfold over time. And time—in a hospital or rehab situation—provides medical stabilization and more information. It also provides a moment to catch one’s breath.

If a family determines they can provide the support needed for a loved one to recover at home, there can be a moment to put that in place. One might find that, once home, while one may err in terms of putting too much help in place, over time, one may come to understand that nighttime help is not needed after all or that it is sufficient to bring in help in the mornings and evenings.

If family decides that their loved one’s needs after a hospitalization or rehab stay simply exceed the ability to meet them at home—at least in the short term, a family may decide to move mom or dad into Assisted Living on a temporary basis.

Some communities offer what is called “respite stay,” for four weeks, while someone’s health stabilizes or improves. Sometimes a respite stay will evolve into a permanent stay. It is important for families to know that North Carolina regulation stipulates that families need only give a 14-day notice to Assisted Living and Memory Care communities in order to leave without financial penalties.

I suppose what I would like you to take away from this post is that we must each respond as best we can when faced with a crisis situation, but also remember that the situation will likely change, and therefore, so, too, will the solution.

That bears repeating: "In our response lies our growth and our freedom."